In marriage, it is inevitable to make mistakes, some bigger, some smaller. And it is also inevitable to feel as if you were wronged. Because marriage is made of two humans, and humans are far from being flawless.
But, once in a position of the maltreated spouse, you notice this past transgression seems to linger forever in your heart and mind. So, how do you forgive your spouse for their past mistakes? Any form of betrayal from the person you were supposed to be able to trust with your life is a blow that many just cannot overcome. Whether it is lies, infidelity, addiction, or any sort of a treachery, brace yourself for a Forgiving spouse road ahead.
However, it is essential to do so. Both for the sake of your relationship and for your own wellbeing. When we find out about the betrayal, we will first go through a whirlpool of emotions, ranging from pure rage to complete Forgiving spouse. But, with time, we will get through this initial shock. Unfortunately, it is here where the real problems with letting go start. It is here where we are no longer in a state of a complete surprise and disbelief, but we become painfully aware of the agony ahead.
And it is at this point that our minds begin to play tricks on us.
In essence, our brains are trying to protect us from getting hurt again by rearranging the way in which we see the reality. Forgiving spouse will begin to doubt every step our spouse makes. We will become hyper vigilant of any possible sign of it happening again lying, cheating, gambling, or similar.
And it is the same process that makes you unwilling to forgive your spouse. You come to believe that, if you forgive, you are allowing your spouse to do the same thing again. However, this is not the case.
So, because it is so essential to forgive, here are three steps to achieve this goal. Ideally,
Forgiving spouse will get to ask all the questions, and you will receive all the answers. Understand your own feelings, every single one of them. Determine which aspect of the betrayal hurt you the most.
And, make an attempt to understand your spouse as well. Their reasons, their feelings.
Forgiving your spouse will likely be a long process. One that can drain all your energy out of Forgiving spouse body. You might feel unable to move on at some point. The constant reliving of the trauma has a way of ruining your everyday life, your confidence, and your zest. Which is why you should take good care of yourself first. Try not to be aggressive and attack your spouse when in pain. Spend time with your friends and family.
If you need some time alone, take it. This will only result in a clearer mind and a better chance of resolving the resentment.