Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me hereperuse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. I live on my own, about a 40 minute drive away from the rest of my family, but both my brothers, aged 13 and 18, still live with my mom. I was talking to my grandmother on the phone yesterday, and she told me that she found out my mom was seeing someone. I was initially happy for her, and excited that she met someone.
Then my grandmother gave me the rest of the details: Apparently, she has been secretly dating this guy for months. She met him online, and they met for the first time in real life this September.
Anyway, I will admit that I did not react well. I wrestled with the age difference, and my Grandmother talked me down from my state of dumfounded shock.
She told me my mom was old enough to make her own mistakes, and My ex is hookup someone twice her age we would talk about it more when I saw her in person on Thanksgiving.
I said okay, and I hung up. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I feel like she is disregarding her role as mother in favor of some new relationship that gives her a sense of value.
I know my older brother can and probably will move out, and I have offered my couch to him in case he is uncomfortable staying with her.
But what about my younger brother? All I know is my mind is overwhelmed and I am upset. I think if you start the conversation with that tone, My ex is hookup someone twice her age will hopefully not be on the defensive.
Then I would transition into talking about
My ex is hookup someone twice her age thirteen year old brother and your concern for his well-being. She will learn eventually when the relationship comes crashing down on her. It sounds like everything you know is hearsay. I might be reading this wrong but it sounds like you have spoken to your grandmother and your brother but not your mom.
Go into this without judgement and start asking questions. Like, why are they moving in so quickly. You need all the facts. Meg November 23,2: I agree with Tech- while the age difference is shocking, I think your best bet is to focus on your concern about an unknown man moving in with her and your brothers, and not on whether she should be dating guys younger than you.
Addie Pray November 23,2: Yeah but have you SEEN a 22 year old lately? College football players excluded, 22 year olds look like little itty bitty babies. ReginaRey November 23,2: This, as discussed, is why this year-old will be going for slightly older men from now on. But 24 year age difference? I may be slightly more laid back about this kind of thing because of my relationship with my incredibly irresponsible mother, though.
For the record, I, too, think the age gap is ridiculous. I go by this formula when calculating the acceptable age gaps: ReginaRey November 23,3: If she wanted to be a good mother AND do something for herself, maybe she should date him without imposing him upon her young and impressionable son. Sarah November 23,3: I had no men in my home; not even dates, until my daughters were on their own.
I know not everyone will wait this long, but my daughters are far more important to me than anyone else and I wanted them to know they were my priority. You are completely entitled to that opinion. The boy is thirteen, not three. I really think the LW and her sibs should just deal with it. She is, indeed, old enough to make her own mistakes.
Jiggs November 23,3: Sarah November 23,4: Or the statistics about how likely a woman who has already been in an abusive relationship to get involved in another abusive relationship. These are statistics we all know. More were born after ?
Or do pedophiles die sooner? By all means, keep an eye out for hinky business of the Sandusky persuasion, but the fact that a 22 year old man wants to move in with a 46 year old woman who lives with her 13 year old son to me just says that he found someone who is willing to do his laundry in exchange for nookie. He left college in the middle of a semester to move in with us. Now, the age gap was not as extreme — she was one hot mama,
My ex is hookup someone twice her age fact — but you know what?
And never once did he attempt to molest me. I call him Dad. JK November 23,4: Sorry if I said that wrong. And seriously, unless LW truly believes her brother is in actual danger from this guy, she needs to butt out. Sorry, it was an unnecessary comment and catty on my part, anyway.
LSS86 November 23,4: I think everyone would be just as quick to call the creeper flag if it were a 46 year old man inviting his 22 year old girlfriend to come live with him and his 13 year old child. Amybelle November 23,5: However, the age difference has nothing to do with it. Sarah November 23,2: Worst case, well, you can only guess.
I think this kid is very clear about what he wants here. He knows that your mom is inexperienced in dating and looking to feel less lonely. No matter was kind of a weirdo he is, he is definitely taking advantage of your mother. Get a background check on this dude. If your mom wont protect her kids from a potential predator then you have to help.
If anything sends up a red flag, like the dude insists on putting your brother to sleep, or watches him change, calls him names, anything, tell your mother you are contacting social services and go through with that. So like, instead of accusing the boyfriend of anything, because she wont listen to that and will become stubborn, tell her that it is not right to move a man into the home if her son has not met him yet.
Yes, excellent idea, especially with the young one. He should be as primed as possible to notice signs red flags…either for
My ex is hookup someone twice her age, or for his mom.
My ex is hookup someone twice her age November 23,2: But since your 13 year old brother will be stuck in this situation, somebody needs to stand up for him. Have you asked him how he feels and what his specific concerns are? After everything you went through with dad and with raising us kids basically by yourself, you deserve it. I just want you to know, I fully support you loving whomever fits with you.
Little brother is worried about X, Y and Z and older brother plans to move out when boyfriend moves in. I love you and I love my brothers and I want to support you all in the best way I can. Something like that will get at the heart of your concerns without passing judgment on the age difference.
I think the best that you can hope for right now is that she and boyfriend decide to hold off on moving in together until everyone has at least had a chance to meet and try to make nice. Talk to your Mom about the potential effects of an unknown man living with your siblings.