The cheaper the wine, the better. This is Tinder, after all, and your life is probably in shambles anyway. Do a few thumbs stretches Hook up cube tinder dating CrossFit WOTDs to ensure your body is fully ready to simultaneously pass judgment and swipe steadily in the blink of an eye. Right swipe every person you encounter like you are an irrational hoarder saving for the wintertime. The best dating advice I ever received was from my pal Andy Bernard. Do this and sit back as your conversations explode with messages that range from exchanging dowries to exchanging nudies.
Stalk the shit out of those who swooned over your dank pick up line and find out as much information as you can. Bonus points if you can figure out where he works solely based on his one to five pictures. Ca-ching, am I right? Judge every picture with the same gusto as God at the pearly gates.
Ladies should look for men wearing nothing but wife beaters, while guys should gravitate towards girls who push their cleavage to their noses. Be on the lookout for some key personality points:. Always, always, ALWAYS find a way to lie about your height so that when the two of you do meet in person, there will be the grand element of surprise.
For example, to disguise my Amazonian height, I used pictures of me standing next to my brothers who are, like, 6 foot 8. Also, being surrounded by boys makes you
Hook up cube tinder dating like an in-demand whore who is easily passed around, which, according to Cosmopolitan, is hot.
Once your future lover is all buttered up, cut the chit chat and get to the point: The goal here is that your Tinder pictures were so flattering and perfect that when you walk up to your date at the bar, he or she has no idea who the hell you are.
Start the date off with a round of tequila and end it with a round of blacking out. And just like that, you got laid using Tinder. Topanga is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems.