Jason was handsome, successful, charming, funny, and intelligent. She felt proud to be on his arm, to be the one he wanted to spend his time with. Who wouldn't want to be with Jason? He was a catch in anyone's estimation. Laura fell hard and fast, but she knew she had to pace herself. She didn't want to overwhelm Jason with the strength of her feelings.
She didn't want to push him away and into the arms of someone else. Initially, it didn't bother Laura that Jason was reserved and kept his deeper feelings to himself.
She assumed he wanted to take it slow, to really get to know her before he expressed his feelings. When Signs of emotionally detached men looked into his eyes, wanting to communicate the depth of her feelings without blurting them out, Jason always looked away uncomfortably.
During lovemaking, Jason also avoided eye contact and intimate talk and would get up quickly to shower after they finished, leaving Laura confused about her desirability and his feelings for her. Signs of emotionally detached men felt she was doing something wrong or turning him off in some way, but his demeanor made it hard to talk to him about it. Jason was happy to talk about work or sports or their upcoming plans, but when she wanted to discuss how she was feeling, he would be dismissive, change the subject, or crack a joke.
Even so, Laura hung in there and tried harder, thinking that if she just gave it more time, was more patient and understanding, he'd open up, show his true self, and they would connect on a deeper level.
Unfortunately, it wasn't until 20 years into their marriage with several children, that Laura finally realized Jason was simply a shallow pool. He wasn't going to give her more. He was never going to be emotionally intimate, vulnerable, and connected in the way she needed him to be. When you're in a romantic relationship, you expect it to deepen over time.
In fact, these kinds of relationships can traumatize you twice: Whether it's intentional or not, emotional unavailability is a form of emotional abuse.
For the woman involved with an emotionally unavailable man, it feels as though you're being deprived of the one thing you need most in a relationship — real love.
Even if your partner says he loves you, his behavior and demeanor make you feel unworthy of love. They come in all looks, shapes, and personality types.
They have a variety of backgrounds and life experiences. Some can have bursts of real intimacy and passion, followed by periods of pulling back and coldness. Others never reveal an intimate, authentic desire for closeness. Emotional unavailability doesn't necessarily mean a man is shallow, selfish, or intentionally detached. He may long for closeness, but he simply doesn't know how to achieve it. My male clients desperately want to connect with friends, lovers, and family in a very Signs of emotionally detached men way.
But often they have no model of what that looks like and how to do it. Whether they are impacted by societal expectations, their childhood experiences, or a narcissistic personalityemotionally unavailable men are missing the most rewarding and blissful facet of a love relationship: All too often, it takes a long time for women to figure out they're involved with this type of man, as it did for Laura.
Before you invest any more time with a man who can't or won't allow closeness and intimacy, it's important to recognize the traits of this type of guy.