Many women make the mistake of thinking that if a guy finds them attractive, they are on the path to a relationship. Even though they understand that the path may be full of twists and turns, still they believe that attracting the male is the first step.
It is not the first step. Attracting the male is the first step to hooking up. When a man finds you attractive, he wants to touch what he sees. If the attraction is mutual, you may go for the hookup.
You do not have the beginnings of a relationship.
So what is the first step to a relationship? The first step is getting inside his head. He needs to think about you.
He needs to wonder about you. He needs to be intrigued, and he needs to feel an impulse or urge to connect with you.
How to act when you first start hookup a guy can happen with or without a hookup, before or after.
An interesting thing I have found in my research is that while most girls experience difficulty in getting guys to commit, there are some young women who complain that every guy they hook up with wants more from them.
Naturally, that makes them irresistible bait. If not wanting a relationship is the best way of being offered one, then what should you do if you want one?
What can you do to be successful? I remember cringing at that. You do not need a guy to be complete. In fact, a guy cannot complete you. You must live your life right now, today, without a relationship.
Live it the best you can. Be thankful for what you have. No one can think you are fabulous unless you do. It always starts with you. When you know your own worth, it shows. You know that you would be an awesome girlfriend. You know that you could make a guy really happy. You are not right for every guy. Your job is to be your best, most confident self to attract the guy who might be. Just getting moving will make you feel stronger and better. Understand that you are beautiful in your natural state.
Stop trying so hard to get the guys all hot and bothered. If you are lucky enough to have a great body, resist the temptation to display all of it at the same time.
Focus on one asset at a time. Use makeup to enhance your looks, not give you the appearance of a heroin addict. Expecting a guy to become your boyfriend is not strategic. Expecting a guy to like you a certain amount, or display a certain kind of affection, is not effective.
On the other hand, expecting a guy to do what he says he is going to do is good strategy. But they will totally get it if you demand respect for your feelings, your body and your time. Guys are amazed when I tell them that back in the day, when we dated in the traditional sense, it was totally legit to go out with one guy on a Friday night and make out or moreand then do the same thing with someone else on Saturday.
We were dating; dating was shopping. And the guy might be shopping around too. You have every right to be choosy. In every relationship, there is a pursuer and a distancer.
Keep your feelings to yourself, or share them with your girls for now. He wants to pursue you. He wants to wonder what you think. The best relationships happen between soulmates. You cannot become soulmates through sex. Through pillow talk, maybe, but not through sex. You stand a much better chance of becoming really close to a guy if you allow plenty of time and space for friendship. That means not having sex too soon. Sex can make friendship complicated.
Take time to get to know him. Make him spend time getting to know you. Guys appreciate a slow win. They withdraw for a bit, and then they return. If he needs some distance, give it to him. When he comes back, welcome him. There are only so many long talks a guy is willing to have. So save your allotment of heart-to-hearts for the really important stuff.
Every tear you cry for a jerk takes up valuable psychic energy and sets you back. If you are feeling crappy about some guy, you are not open to a new guy. How to act when you first start hookup a guy may think you are, but your emotional funk will be telegraphed to those around you in subtle ways. Eat junk food, get wasted with the girls, whatever. Then pick yourself up and live your life. You can be strong and independent, you can take no prisoners, you can even be a hardass without sending out negative vibes.
You expect good things to happen to you. A bad attitude is self-fulfilling; if you believe that no one will want you, then no one will want you. If you believe that you deserve to be loved and are willing to wait for that special guy, then you will find him. The more interactions you have in your day, the greater your chances of encountering someone new. Psych yourself up as often as you need to, but keep on getting out there.
You can have what you want if you will believe in it. I absolutely loved reading this. This is just what I have been looking to find for a year: Thank you so much for sharing this!
Hey, letters2soulmate, happy to meet you! Love your blog too, btw. Thanks for commenting, please come back soon!
It shouldn't be immediately obvious, but she needs to show me her weak side for me to even consider her for a LTR. Girls can date around as much as guys can, but it hits a primitive trigger in a man's mind that tells him that girl isn't LTR material. We can argue all day about double standards, but at the end of the day, men will still judge women by this. My recent post Puja — Dana Pt. Hmmm, re 2, I hear that, it makes sense.
But do you want to see the vulnerability up front, or after a bit? Like she's tough to start, but then you get in there and work your magic and suddenly there's a glimmer of vulnerability? VI, haha I just spent time on your blog where you proudly describe hearing a girl say she wants sex in a monogamous relationship, then you bang her without making a commitment.