Interesting Read for those dating I came across it last night and was a little surprised. But as I am int he process of pulling away from the guy I am dating I thought Curious what everyone elses thoughts are on this article and if they think it's a yay or nay! Share Share this post on Digg Del. Be careful about what you read in magazines and following the advice. What they're effectively suggesting is to play a game and pull away from the relationship in the hope that the guy snaps back.
It's an indirect strategy Sexual rubber band technique if there's something that guys suck at understanding it's indirect hints from women. In fact the article sounds a bit funny to me as a guy, because there is no actual rubber band around lovers. I know it's supposed to be an analogy, but think about it, an analogy of what exactly? Because I don't think the effect has ever been proven to exist.
The guy who writes the Mars and Venus books John Grey? His theory is that men NEED that time apart to become more attached. So to him it's not game play, Sexual rubber band technique giving the guy time that he needs to miss you, and this creates an attachment.
Or something like that, it's been a while since I've read the book. It's in the Mars and Venus on a date book. He goes on to say that often what happens is that when a guy starts to pull away, the girl ramps up the contact because she panics. And this can be the beginning of the end. Interesting I think and I've seen it happen with a friend. He pulled away for a bit and instead of chasing him she just continued with occassional contact and lived her own life in the meantime.
And he bounced back and eventually they married. Having your own life is necessary, whether it has to do with dating, relationships or marriage. Cannot stand self-help gurus or books since they're so generalized. Best to gauge each person as an individual, with individual experiences and triggers which are positive and negative. To suggest that all men need to cave or rubberband is pure bunk. I consider myself quintessentially male.
In dating, I purposely follow the literal approach to reading social cues. Because I am way to old to need to or care to waste my time on inconsequential behavior. Also, every woman gets one chance with me. Consequently, if I start dating a woman and I call her to see if she wants to go out over the weekend and I do not get a response or I get an, "I'm busy," response then her number is blocked and off my phone and I move onto the next woman.
There are plenty of fish in the see as the saying goes. I get what the article is trying to say, but frankly I think guys who distance themselves like that are either too selfish or too immature to be in a relationship with me. If a relationship ultimately ends in marriage and cohabitation, which is my ultimate end-goal at some point, then you're going to be seeing that person every day.
If it's only been a couple weeks or months and you're already sick of me? Not a good sign. I think real, mature, adult relationships require give-and-take on BOTH parts.
I feel like many men don't really care if they have a long-term relationship as long as they get companionship on occasion and sexual activity, and so they aren't willing "Sexual rubber band technique" work as hard as women are, because many women ultimately want to get married and have children. So men will take advantage of that fact, dating a woman and having sex with her until he's essentially sick of her or she becomes too "clingy".
If she thought more like a guy, it wouldn't be so against her nature to also withdraw. Anyway, just my two cents. Originally Posted by LearningLove. I think the idea of having your own life and your own hobbies and NOT giving them up is good. I have fallen into that trap, and I think the notion that women do that is very true.
We are more apt in general get ready for the annoying generalization to give up our interests or meld them with a partner than men. So, it's good to learn how that's potentially unproductive, particularly if done too early. Some "me" time helps everyone. Really, I
Sexual rubber band technique the best notion in the article though was the idea that men need time apart to see if a relationship is right, whereas women tend to need more time together to decide.
I don't think it always falls along gender lines in fact, I tend to need a bit of both myself, and I think everybody does, but at different times but it's an interesting notion.
In terms of playing some weird rubberband game, that's awkward and lame, but if you just frame it in having a healthy life of your own and letting your partner take space when they seem to be asking for it, Sexual rubber band technique think that's a good thing.
I also find that I, as a woman, need space to process attraction, so I'm not sure Sexual rubber band technique always distinct gender lines. I do think the kind of women who read Cosmo are the kind of women who tend to give up their hobbies and not take enough space for themselves wild generalization again!
Articles like this piss me off. Self respecting guys don't think like this! Girls tend to take this advice way to seriously and end off coming off as dis-interested, immature, playing silly mind games.
Know what happens next, guy stops contacting you and starts dating someone else and you wonder wtf just happened. Guys understand if your busy thats fine. If a guy you like asks you out and your busy, cool. If you however just say "I'm busy" and you don't offer another time most guys will take that as a hint your not interested and move on.
In short stupid, silly mind games don't work on guys who respect themselves and have a backbone. You will be left with guys who are desperate for female attention or guys who play games themselves. Having your own life outside the relationship is important totally agree however don't use it as an excuse to give guys you like the cold shoulder in some stupid, naive thought that it will make them lust for you more.
Doesn't work like that. Guys work on logic.
Doesn't matter if its the truth or not most guys will see it this way. Last edited by Hules; 18th April at 7: Originally Posted by Hules. Originally Posted by threebyfate. Attraction and love aren't logical. We still work on logic even if it gets skewed by love and attraction it is still logical to us. I'm not like most guys.
I have an extremely low libido so I don't follow my Sexual rubber band technique brain as much. I think as a whole these sorts of articles don't help when girls take them as gospel.
There has to be balance to often is skewed to the point that it becomes game playing and manipulative. Please don't try to tell me how I think, you do not live in my body. All times are GMT The time now is 9: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice.
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Page 1 of 3. Rubber Band Effect http: Where the snow melts by April Posts: Originally Posted by LearningLove I consider myself quintessentially male. Originally Posted by Hules Guys work on logic.
Originally Posted by threebyfate Having your own life is necessary, whether it has to do with dating, relationships or marriage. Originally Posted by Hules We still work on logic even if it gets skewed by love and attraction it is still logical to us.
Originally Posted by Hules I'm not like most guys.