It seems to me in our great grandparents and grandparents' era, people seemed to stay together no matter what. In today's fast moving, perfectionistic world, people seem quick to leave no matter what. In my therapy practice, I often help ambivalent differentiate between deal-breakers and deal-makers. Should they stay or should they go? And of course, we talk about the grass needing maintenance on the other side of the fence as well.
If your partner is thinking of leaving you, here are some tips to help you navigate this painful chapter. Despite what your partner may say, the fact that they are thinking of leaving you is not all your fault! I am sure you have some relationship patterns to change -- we all do -- but the fact that they are considering giving up on the relationship is not and I repeat not all about you.
Your partner may have issues with some of the things you do, but a healthy and committed partner tells you about them respectfully, remains open to working on them and decides which issues are essential to change and which ones they can live with and accept.
Do look at your part in the relationship struggles. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. It simply means you are a teachable person who is willing to grow and change. Over time you Help my wife is leaving me find out if your partner is willing to grow and change as well. Stay In the Moment: The natural tendency in a life crisis like this is to fret about the future.
But you never know what may happen. I have seen couples make it and thrive after infidelity. I have seen partners who didn't think they could survive a break Help my wife is leaving me be the ones to make the final decision to leave and end up happier. The bottom line is that you have no idea how this is all going to turn out. Just do what's right in front of you and when the time comes to make a decision, in that moment, you will know. Much like reeling in a fishing line, we all need to learn how to reel our ever so creative and active minds back to the present moment.
The stories and scenarios we create seem so real, they actually cause us to have feelings about things that haven't even happened. Catch yourself when you can and reel yourself back to actual -- factual -- reality. Don't Make Any Major Decisions: Don't even buy a new washer and dryer right now! The only thing you need to do is your basic self-care and necessary responsibilities.
Continuously ask yourself, "What do I need to do to take care of myself and my children? Making a decision from the place you and your partner are in right now is likely to be reactive, rather than rational. There is nowhere to go that will be magically easy or bring permanent happiness. Unless you are both perfectly clear that the relationship is over, or there is abuse in which case it should bethis relationship might be worth waiting for.
The decision will unfold and become clear over time. Don't Be Your Partner's Therapist: Your partner may be confused and in a lot of pain right now, but you are not the best person for them to sort this out with.
You both need safe, objective, loving and forthright people to support each of your very different needs. It's not good for you to be constantly hearing every detail of your partner's ambivalence about the relationship and it's not good for them to be hearing the daily details of your emotional pain. If it feels productive and important for you to hear some of your partner's grievances, and you can still maintain your sense of self, then do that.
However, if you feel like you are turning into a therapist or a punching bag, it is best for you to set some limits. Don't Turn to Help my wife is leaving me for Comfort: Many people want to turn to addictive habits for comfort at a time like this.
And while they do provide short-term relief, they will surely lead to long-term grief. Are you numbing your feelings with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping, gambling, food, diets, purging, or obsessing on your appearance? Are you excessively exercising, or using your TV or computer until you're zoned out?
Are you preoccupied with another relationship? Even depression can be a way to numb out and avoid painful emotions. The truth is that it's hard to feel emotional pain and it's hard to feel the consequences of addictive habits intended to avoid emotional pain.
However, only one will lead you out and through while the other is a dead-end road of anesthetization. Once you find the right kind of support and build a tolerance for Help my wife is leaving me difficult emotions, you will see that all feelings eventually pass. You can learn to receive comfort externally from others and internally from yourself. When a person is at risk of being left, their basic sense of value is extremely threatened.
The natural tendency is to wait, like an innocent puppy, to see if its owner is going to come back. What once may have been an equal playing field between partners can turn into a one-way power play, with all the power in the hands of the person considering leaving. Who would want to be left? Who would want to be potentially rejected by someone you love?
But love, in spite of countless poems and country-western songs, is not enough. It takes shared values, commitment, maturity, spirituality, communication and grit from both partners! While it is important to stay open to working on relationship issues if your partner is willing respectfully discuss them, it is equally essential that you stop putting all your focus on your partners wants, needs and feelings and begin to regain your own sense of power.
You were hopefully okay before you met your partner, and if the relationship ends, you can be okay again.